a fierce need for authentic connection

There’s something shifting in the air — I am feeling it myself, hearing it over and over, and seeing it unravel in real time in a handful of incredibly powerful (yet very different) ways.

People from near and far are craving raw, untampered, unsweetened authenticity like I personally have never seen before.

Authenticity within themselves, in their relations to others, in how they move in the world, and especially with the silent unspoken parts of their stories that have been begging to be discussed, but have never made it to the table — be it for months or literally decades. It’s all bubbling up. Like there is less and less and less tolerance with each passing day for the bullshit or the things that feel fake, forced, off-limits, or obligatory in any way.

If it’s not real — simply, no thanks.

No more.

The things we once wouldn’t dare bring up in conversation, the things that felt like “too much” or “off limits” in whatever ways, are feeling like the exactthings we need to be sharing about.

And it’s not even necessarily that we want to set all the big things on the table… not really. I think for most of us, there’s been this part of ourselves that tries to cling to the old belief that has acted as a “self protection” mechanism — that driving force that has kept things/thoughts/stories bundled up in the cavity of our chest instead of releasing them into the reality of the world. For fear that once we speak it, it becomes more real. Or the facade is up. Or maybe because of the unknown of what’s to follow once we allow ourselves to say the things out loud that have gotten dusty and heavy and taken up too much space in our mental capacity.

But from what I’m seeing, the facade IS up, and the unknown is feeling like a sweeter place to be than in the familiarity of inauthenticity.

So really, It’s been more like a PUSH.

Like we’ve been teetering and conceptualizing and pondering, “Do I? Or don’t I?” for too long and finally life gave a loving shove, and into the water we’ve gone

to learn how to be together

with the happy things and the heavy things alike.

Again and again, I am seeing this happen in the people that I connect with, and I am awe of how consistent this has been.

In a consult earlier this week, I had the honor of witnessing a woman as she poured out her experience of traversing the wild territory that is miscarriage. I had never met her before, I wasn’t even totally sure on the specifics of what her intention was with scheduling the meeting, but it quickly became so clear.

The fierce need for authentic connection.

Miscarriage can surface so many things. Just as all birth does, miscarriage calls us to come face to face with ourselves in ways we may not have ever anticipated. We may grow, gain wisdom we didn’t know we needed, wisdom we didn’t ask for, and in the process of gaining, a part of us also dies. The old us has to now fill into the newness of ourself that is no longer the same as she was before. We are changed ever after, like it or not. It is so uniquely individual, just as each woman’s story and the generational stories she carries is so vastly different, so to is this. None can be held quite the same as another.

And of course our modern culture loves to uphold the stories of life and “success”, but is so hush-hush and MIA in the conversation that is the life beyond physical life. When shit gets hard, people tend to look for someone or something to blame. Which is another spiral altogether. Deathphobia, anti-aging, “stay young” campaigns.. it’s all connected to deeper rooted beliefs, but I digress.. for now.

When facing this situation, women are generally offered medications and/or a D+C to clear out the contents of the womb — as though they’re nothing more than that — “contents.” As if her body isn’t capable of doing this on her own and medical intervention is the only “safe” option forward. And then.. after the cold sterile lights and surgical procedures and fear and heartache, she’s expected to continue on as though nothing happened. While not only her emotional self is trying to find the ground again, but her physical being too. This is very much the postpartum time for her, only without the baby nestled snuggly in her arms and generally without the waves of people bounding around her to support her or congratulate her work.

And while she tends to be offered solitude under the guise of “space to process” —-

She needs community.

She needs wise women to mirror her strength back to her, and to hold her when she can’t hold herself. Not to attempt to sand it down, or deflect away the reality, or distract her from the work she’s got in front of her — but to meet her where she is and surround her in the safety and comfort that is her people who can witness her in her rawest form, undone, wide open.

She does need space to mourn, to listen for the things her spirit baby may have to tell her, but with her community just outside the door, in her kitchen swooping in to facilitate this time, protect her space, to nourish her in this way of not having to keep in stride with life, just yet. She needs her core people to be there when she finally has words she needs them to hear.

But for most women… this isn’t at all what they’re being offered.

They’re going it alone, like people in modern nucleaic family based lifestyles tend to do. Not recognizing the sacred moments even when they’re set into their very own laps.

In this conversation, she and I laughed together, we cried together, we cussed the world together for being the way that it is and dreamt of how much better it could be if people would just be authentic and cut the shit.

And what a reminder it was,

that the connections we make, and the opportunities that rise, when we give ourselves the permission to courageously speak the truth and release ourselves from any and all things ingenuine also bring us the potential for great healing in every level of our being.

We didn’t fix anything, per se. There was no “12 step process” I could offer her to “move on.” I’m not sure how to even begin to quantify or calculate what this hour and a half was worth, or what it means, or what will happen next.

But I can confidently say that these are the exact conversations that will heal the heart of humanity.

I am claiming it, holding the vision, and trusting that it will be.

So be bold enough to reach out. Talk to your people. Say the things. Ask for support. Be the support.

Do what you’re called to do, and trust that divine guidance comes in all forms,

holding your mind open to whatever it is that comes.

It may just be the key to unlocking the door you’ve felt stuck behind.

<3