the auntie circles
holistic menstrual cycle care awareness + empowerment for initiated and honored girlhood
One of my favorite lessons of indigenous ways of life is the role and value of the aunties. A handful of years ago, our kiddos and I had read The Birchbark House series by Louise Erdrich, and I think this was the first time this concept was set in front me. I’ve since had this set in my lap again and again and I’ve held this vision of embracing and holding this role for the girls in my circle who are in need of this kind of holding and support. In village, tribal, and community based social structures, it isn’t the role of the mother to teach her daughters about what it is to step into womanhood. It is the responsibility of the aunties to surround, prepare, and educate the up-and-coming girls into what this transition is and how life shifts for them once they’ve walked through it.
The aunties prepare them for the realities of the physical transformation they’ll be going through, as well as the shift into their new responsibilities within their community.
While we probably got basic sex education from a class or maybe series of classes from our homeroom teacher in 5th grade-ish, very few of us have received real wisdom of how to care for our bodies well and to honor our menstrual cycle in a sacred and healthy way.
Girls are inundated with advertising trying to sell them on what their body should look like, feel like, smell like, and encourage them to “just keep going” — and then when these things lead to imbalance, painful cycles, and the myriad of diagnoses, they’re encouraged to see an “expert.” And around and around they go, further and further disconnected from their self-awareness and innate knowing.
The role of the mother is fundamental. But she’s not designed to go it alone.
“They need not only us, but they need midwives, they need aunties, they need mentors. They are not going to get it verbally from the mom. The mom is like, ‘Hey is your homework done?’ All that stuff. The nurturing part, we need aunties. We need a circle.”
— Kami McBride
empowered womanhood begins
in the hearts of the little honeys
Auntie circles are where we set little sparks in the hearts of our girls that will one day be the torch they forge onward with. In a non-formal, circle style gathering, we start the conversation and awareness of the beauty that it is to be a girl, to one day be a woman. The intention behind these gatherings are to:
begin together with a grounding and centering meditation
discuss the physiologic design and function of our female bodies and how to honor them as sacred
bring awareness to our inner seasons and how to follow our rhythms
give instruction for proper period care that supports vibrancy and wellbeing
create a base knowing of what a healthy menstrual cycle looks and feels like, so they are then able to identify and address imbalances straight away
offer space for stories, curiosities, and concerns in a held and honored way
foster connection in a respectful and joyful way
this gathering is for the girls and young gals
Ranging from the littlest girls with peaked curiosities around female anatomy and what is in store for them, to the young gals who are well into their cycling years and desiring a better and more comprehensive understanding of how to honor their bodies — these circles are designed to acknowledge them where they are and give space for their needs, questions, wonders.
This is not designed for only a specific age group. These circles can hold many, or be one on one.
to the mothers,
As mommas we do all we can, all we know to do, for our children. In our actions, our way of being and moving through the world, we set the stage for them. But the truth is, we can’t fill every role.
If I had a dollar for every time I’ve taught my daughter something and it didn’t click for her until one of her aunties or grandmas gave her the same teaching, aghhh I’d have quite a lot of dollars. There is a special kind of magic that happens when girls spend time with their elder women. You know? For them it’s a totally fresh way of viewing womanhood, of gathering their place in the world.
This means that mothers need a support system.
We need a circle of trusted women that we raise our children with.
The design of the aunties playing this key role is so much bigger than what first meets the eye.
If we’re being honest, this means that we must come face to face with the parts of ourselves that feel estranged from genuine relationship with our women. Because our daughters need the aunties in this big way, we mothers are then called to give love to the mother wound and sister wounds rooted within us that prevent us from being in intimate connection with these very important women. Choosing to stay in disconnection or disharmony creates imbalance in the whole community structure.
In this way of living, we’re called away from the nuclear, segmented, “this is my family, that is your family” lifestyle and shift into opportunity for healing in our relationships. And once we’ve faced those shadow parts of ourselves and come through to the other side, seeing our people in a new light, honoring them for who they are, we’ll be in a world where we’re all more secure in ourselves and less influenced by the negativity and hate so many people have come to chronically live in.
It starts with us.
let’s gather
If this is something you’d love to offer to the girls in your life, reach out. Each story and family is unique. Let’s create a gathering tailored to what is needed most for your young gals. We’ll set the intention, start the discussion, and see where it leads.
Young girls who are given the narrative of responsibility over their own health and are guided in and through the transition of menarche with self-awareness, self-love, and compassion for themselves and for fellow women will rise to know themselves well through all they will face in their womanhood.
They will know how to create the web of support that will carry them throughout their life and give them opportunity to funnel their inner need to care for others. These girls will love and respect themselves in a way that will carry them into relationships that respect all their parts — from their surface to their most inner selves — and out of relationships that don’t.
These girls will rise to be women who know and trust themselves through pregnancy and birth. They will know, years before they meet their postpartum self, the importance of rest and nourishment after bringing forth new life. These are the girls that will one day bring forward the new earth, the new paradigm, the new songs.