raising anatomically fluent children

“Mom, your vulva is weird. Why do girls have vulvas?”

Asks Boone every time he’s crashed my potty trips since he was 3 years old. He loves the word, honestly. Vulva. He says it just to say it.

This is one aspect of my mothering that has completely transformed over the years: being comfortable with anatomy, physiology, and function. As I’ve come to know, respect, and admire the wisdom of my body, this admiration and compassion for my self has bled into pretty much every area of my life. How I embody who I am and what I bring forth into the world has all shifted. And all that I’ve learned in this process of coming home to myself, this is the wisdom I hope to bring to my children — that they will know and respect themselves well, without apology, embarrassment, or shame.

If you’re raising children, opportunity abounds when you’ve got little kiddos asking you “why you bleed when you pee sometimes”, or why boys and girls have different parts. In those moments, you have a critical choice to make, whether you’re aware of it or not is up to you.

You can give them a message of fear, confusion, or maybe you encourage them that you’ll talk about it another day (which.. is also confusing), or you can give them the truth in language that will be digestible to them.

We all must live in a body while we’re here in this life. Gratitude for our body expands our opportunities to feel well and reach toward our highest potential.

Raising children to have a respectful awareness of both female and male anatomy is important for a multitude of reasons.

Children are so naturally curious and have an innate ability to learn, decipher, and do their own meaning making.

So what are we doing when we encourage them to dampen that yearning to know about the other, when we could help them explore it in a safe way? What if when we allow little boys and girls to know what anatomy looks like at a young age, and to have great respect and awareness of it’s purpose, then as teenagers and on into their adulthood, their curiosity can remain respectful?

What if we started with something like,

“Did you know that your body is a magical, powerful creation? In your very cells, your tiniest tiniest parts, that you can’t even see without special tools, your body carries stories. These stories are a big part of who you are! And if you listen for them, your body will tell you everything you need to know.”

But so often for children their first experience of seeing a naked body that isn’t theirs is in the format of an inappropriate tv show, movie, advertisement, magazine, etc, where the body is not represented in any way as sacred — but rather, a tool that can be used and tossed away. Their visual of others and self is misconstrued and contorted into something that is desensitized (that is, without sensation) for the things of life that are meant to feel fully alive — in other words, they miss the beauty and may spend their whole life chasing what was meant to be theirs all along.

When children are given a message of confusion, shame, or embarrassment, why would they ever feel encouraged to advocate for themselves when something feels array or ‘off’ in their body?

How different would this be if deep love for their physical self had been fostered from their early days?

So many of the social constructs we live in program us to think that our bodies are dirty, embarrassing, need altering or modification, that we’d ought to be ashamed of our need to rest, or to nourish, or release waste, ashamed of our sexuality, feeling the need to hide away when our bodies give us unwanted signs or symptoms. We’re taught to conform and ignore our body’s signals “until an appropriate time” and generally, in the pace we live in, that time never fully comes. We’re given opportunity after opportunity to push our needs aside.

The trail this creates for young girls into their birth experiences and into their mothering years in undeniable.

For example, moving through the portal of birth, it is in our design to embrace our sensual energy. Sex, birth, and breastfeeding all unlock the same exact cascade of hormones. But how can we birth our babies with ease if we are afraid to embody those parts of ourselves? How is this impacting birth outcomes?

How many children do you know personally that are familiar and comfortable with the fact that women’s breasts are designed to produce milk for their babies?

How many women do you know who have struggled to produce milk for their babies, even though they desired so strongly to do so?

Do you see the correlation?

Majority of the physical struggles people collectively deal with are rooted in disconnection to self. The remedy for this is connection, and we can plant those seeds early in the hearts of our children.

But dear ones, this starts with you getting familiar with, comfortable with, and passionate about you.

When we’re embarrassed to even say the names of our anatomy, what message does that give our children? If we’re not proud of and acknowledging the beauty in our design, how can we encourage our children to love their bodies as they are?

The prerequisite to raising children who feel comfortable in their skin is to be comfortable in yours.

Raising children to know their anatomy and it’s function empowers them to identify when something specific is needing attention. Too often, we’re looking to the “professionals” or the “experts” to tell us about us. When really, if we were to start at ground zero and get comfortable with our basic needs, much of what we experience as discomforts would resolve.

For example, our children know that when I bleed, I rest. Whether that is post-birth, or monthly, it is all the same.

This is a simple, basic bodily function that so often is overlooked and ignored… but we can instill in them from the beginning that this is normal, and this is how we treat our bodies (and others) well when we’re experiencing it.

These children are familiar with anatomy, the correct names for our anatomy, and that there is no shame to be had in having a body. They know that our parts are sacred and that we don’t touch others or allow others to touch our sacred parts, or at all, without our consent. Yet another basic foundational piece that gets confused in this modern world where all stops are out.

In this way of acknowledging curiosity and welcoming conversation, we prevent abuse and harm.

Fostering in children a sense of inappreciation and disconnection for their physical bodies is not benign, it is damaging. If we are not intentional about teaching our children of the incredible wisdom their bodies hold, we’re setting them up for confusion and struggle in a world that nourishes self-destructive behavior.

This is yet another intention for the Auntie Circles I offer — because sometimes this information flows more freely in a trusted space that is held differently than in that of a close knit relationship. Time and again, our children show me that they need their aunties for things that I very well could give them myself. It’s not an insufficiency, it’s truly about roles and boundaries and variances between the two. The root of it is that we need community, and I am here and happy to offer that in the ways that are so very needed.

If you’re feeling uncomfortable, like you want to be able to offer this type of information to your children but you feel… awkward. Let me encourage you to just start somewhere. Muddle through, if you must. Because yes, sometimes it is so awkward! But the more we allow the words to flow through our mouths, the less restrictive it begins to feel.

Here is some perspective I hope will inspire you. Use it as an affirmation if you’d like to forge onward with a vision that is so much larger than our own personal selves.

In the ways I care for myself, I create opportunity for our boys to witness what it is to be respectful to women and our design. My intention is to raise boys who will one day be men who advocate well for their women, and that respect, admire, and support them through all the phases of their cyclical nature.

In the ways I care for myself, I create opportunity for our daughter to recognize her needs and offer a template for ways in which she can create her own standard of how she will allow others to treat her. In this way of embracing our feminine, we have a clear contrast between the masculine and the feminine, and both are able to shine. My intention is to raise daughters who trust their feminine and have deep love and respect for role of the divine masculine that our men bring forth.

Encourage them to explore and be well acquainted with their parts. To know what they look like and feel like. What feels safe, and what does not. Hand them the mirror. Don’t panic when they walk in while you’re showering or getting dressed. Allow space for questions. Let it be what it is.

And for your inner child, do the same.

As you do this, you’ll shift the world into a more conscious, connected place.

xoxox,

Gab