fatigue bleeding

It is truly an art to read and interpret the messages of the body.

As I’ve come to really love exploring anatomy, our structures and how we’re connected, where muscle attaches to bone, the impact of our fascia on our organs, how intentionality and emotion directly affect digestion, the variations of our menstrual blood and the stories it tells us, on and on… I am continually in awe of how nothing in our lives is separate. Our physical is an intricate design in itself, and yet there’s no separation between our physical and our emotional bodies. Like rain falls into the river and evaporates back into the sky — it is all one in the same, just in various forms.

Lately, I have been tired. Not a “I am tired” in a bitchin and complainin kind of way, but just a genuine “I am tired and I feel like I would like to rest.” I’ve learned to not judge myself so heavily on this, to recognize it like you’d recognize when a friend is tired and you offer them a seat, or to watch their kids for a while so they can rest. I realize the conditioning is so deep in so many of us, that to rest is a burden and not an acceptable option when there is much to be done.

But to rest is to recognize and hold value for the things that we have accomplished, isn’t it?

A pause before we continue on again.

And though it’s also counter culture to just go ahead and feel good about the things we do bring to the table, I’ve also come to value my productivity that isn’t so easily seen. For instance, the milk my body makes to nourish the baby, that supports his immune system in a very tailored way, that requires me to be eating nutrient filled foods that take time to plan and prepare, etc. It’s just one piece, but where we’re at in the timeline of things right now, it’s an important one. And it calls for energy to accomplish.

It all just feels really big and prominent. I’m just days shy of 10 months postpartum with our Coy boy, and what felt like out of nowhere (ha!), I’m bleeding again. This took me by total surprise truthfully, because I was anticipating that my cycle would return right around his birthday. In the postpartum time, alll kinds of things can happen, but there really is a window that is ideal for the sake of mom’s health. Considering the amount of intake it requires to have sufficient blood volume to produce milk and to keep our own stores good and happy, then add in the monthly uterine cleanse and the amount of nourishment needed to build blood for all of the above, it’ a big job. It’s an unseen job to those who aren’t trained to recognize it for what it is.

So all to say… this felt premature for me. Even though modern culture would say a menstrual return at 10 months postpartum is “normal.”

It came with a mixture of emotions. Gratitude, sorrow, a little judgment.

Grateful for the wisdom my body lives without me needing to do anything really. She’ll always tell me the truth, it’s just a matter of how well I can interpret and honor what it is she’s got to say. Grateful too, because I really do love my blood. It always reminds me of postpartum bleeding after birth, that beautiful time when it’s so clear and fresh the work that our body is capable of. It’s so impressive to me. And yet, sorrowful and a little judgmental because what I gather from this is that this tiredness I’ve been feeling (physically and emotionally) has led to (what I am feeling like is) fatigue bleeding. Like, dammit. From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry. For all you’ve done for me, all you’ve carried me through, I really should treat you with more care.

Fatigue bleeding isn’t just a postpartum thing. This happens all the time for some women. It’s what we’d consider short cycles in a menstrual cycle analysis. Simply, bleeding too frequently. The roots of this come directly from this struggle of overall exhaustion, and what’s happening is that quite literally the uterus is too tired to hold closed the uterine arteries and the cervix. Hence, blood escaping prematurely. This generally isn’t something that modern gynecology would pick up on or “diagnose” because the variations of “normal” cycles in western modern gyn are so vast and tend to go off of “what is normal” for any particular woman.

But the fact of it is, bleeding too often is not normal.

Bleeding too often can lead to things like anemia and infertility. Which makes perfect sense, because when our body is already blood deficient, pregnancy would be detrimental to us. We require a 50% blood volume increase to sustain a pregnancy. If we’re already lacking, its easy to see our how body isn’t prepared for this big feat.

And being tired in the world we’re livin in is… pretty common.

Right now we’re just on the inside of January, and I’ve been thinking all season about how silly it is that in the thick of winter, we’re running around having all the Christmas gatherings, planning gifts, creating, adding in extra things and obligation, whilst still holding our regular schedules, when the truth of it is… we’re supposed to be going at a much slower pace than we do any other time of the year.

All of the earth around us has gone to sleep, and here we’ve found endless ways and have conjured up every excuse as to why this doesn’t apply to us. Only, this isn’t sustainable. And at some point, our bodies do speak. Often quietly at first, but she’s got her ways of turning up the volume with the hope we’ll finally listen.

So my hope I suppose is that this may be useful for you, that if this is the first time you’ve considered this concept of fatigue bleeding, it may help you to connect some dots in your story. There’s much more to be said on what exactly goes on with uterine fatigue and how to help regain strength, so if this in particular is something you are desiring help with, do reach out. I’d be glad to help you weave it all together. Sometimes, just the releasing of the stories is medicine.

And with that, dear sister, I hope you feel a little softer in the places of yourself that resist the need to rest. Know that I too am releasing those old patterns. Gentleness in itself is a form of strength.

This is your call to take the time to chew your food, long steep your tea, wash and gua sha your face, rub out your hands, take 10 big, deep, slow breaths, and to honor the pace that feels best for you right now.

Much love,

G

“I no longer believe the myth that I need to earn rest.

But rather, I must rest to rise.”

– Chantal Blake, author of “Peaceful Periods”