elimination communication + diaper free babies
Bringing babies to the potty is one of the sweetest, most innocent, and honest ways we can connect with them in ways beyond words. There’s just something really special about seeing your own baby make potty cues, recognizing them, bringing them to the potty, and then seeing them release with ease and comfort in such a clean way, without all the fuss of diapers and wipes and garbage cans and landfills, you know?
Like, “I heard you, baby. Without needing words, I knew what you were saying.”
That’s pretty sentimental I guess, but let me explain because it really is bigger than just that.
I’ve had a good bunch of people give me a lot of hell about this whole “elimination communication” practice (as it’s been termed), and also a lot of really genuinely curious people come to me with questions, too. So let’s talk about it.
Here’s what I’d love for you to consider:
What is crazier? Bringing a newborn to the toilet when they’re clearly signaling they have to poop, or being frustrated with a 3 year old that has only known to poop in a diaper, because you don’t want them to poop in a diaper anymore?
Whatever we choose to do — we’re training baby.
Whether that be to communicate to us when they need to potty, or training them to use a diaper to release into, they are so receptive to whatever it is we offer them. In this, and in everything else. We quite literally create the groundwork that becomes the patterning for them. If we don’t like what they’re doing / being / choosing / acting, etc, we’d be wise to look in the mirror and assess the road we’ve paved for them.
Self awareness isn’t something we teach a newborn. They are fully aware. It’s up to us to either foster this knowing or ignore it. From birth, babies know the sensation of the urge to poop and pee. When we’re attentive to their cues, we’re able to offer them the respect of responding to what they’re communicating and facilitate their needs. It’s really not more complicated than that, but the long term ripple of showing them that we are someone they can trust to acknowledge them, and that they are safe to honor the messages of their body is pretty big.
In our experience, this can be done from the earliest days after birth, to several months old, to toddler age. You can start this any time, and there are no strict rules or expectations. It’s individual. What matters is connection. What the intent is, is to learn to listen and respond.
Think of it from a broader perspective. Assisting babies and small kiddos to be aware of the language, sensations, patterns, and signals of their own body helps give them the voice to care for themselves well in all areas of their wellbeing. Unafraid, without hesitation or complication, and with ease — as it should be. We all have basic human bodily needs, but a lot of us aren’t comfortable with acknowledging or doing anything about them and pay a price for it in the long run.
I’m hungry.
I want to move my legs.
That person makes me nervous.
I really have to pee.
For most of us, from our littlest days, we were taught to ignore these needs, thoughts, and intuitions. Encouraged to dampen down our feelings and sensations (punished even) for the sake of not making a fuss, or staying quiet during class, or in the context of diapers, “convenience.” And how did that pattern continue on through our later childhood, and into our adult lives? What things are we avoiding, putting off, or ignoring altogether because they feel “inconvenient”, like they are “too much to ask for,” or “too needy,” or maybe even feel “unacceptable?”
Where did that pattern begin?
What I’ve found is that learning baby’s cues and assisting them to release poop and pee in an aware way helps them have ease and more regularity with digestion, making it more predictable when their “poop schedule” is, thus making it even easier to facilitate. For example, it’s really common for babies to potty shortly after waking up. When they get used to being brought to the toilet, they know the routine and will wait to release til they get there. Also, I don’t know if you have ever been in the company of a constipated newborn, but my goodness it’s pretty wretched. No. Sleep. Til Brooklyn. Ya feel me? In our experience, bringing them to the potty really freaking helps. There’s something about sitting bare bum over the toilet that helps things flow.
With all of our boys (sweet Graci, the things I wish I would have known to offer her), EC has been an easy yes. We’re generally home, we use cloth diapers (aside from recently with our fourth baby, because omg during calving season I was not keeping up — so thank goodness for good disposable earth friendly bamboo diapers), and these kids love to be naked majority of the time anyway. It all just meshes together. I will say though, having established this pattern at home — we’ve been able to really successfully travel with babies and toddlers and stay respectful of their potty needs.
tips + words of advice
Bringing your babe to the potty can be done easily a couple of ways — 1) Sit backwards on the toilet, facing the tank. Sit baby on your lap, bare bottom. They tend to feel really secure and comfortable like this. It’s nice to have a roll of toilet paper on the tank so when they poop, you just ribbon some out, use your knee and the toilet seat to rip it and voila. Lay babe across your lap, clean their little culo and flush it down. 2) The baby bjorn potty chairs with the removable toilet canisters also work really nice with the same setup. Put the canister between your legs. Set baby on your lap, their back to your belly, and let them do what they do.
Bigger babies that are able to sit up on their own tend to do really great on the potty chairs. It’s a lot of fun for them to put together what’s happening, you can see the thoughts turning in their mind as they go!
Comfort is key. As Ina May Gaskin would say, the “Law of the Sphincters” requires safety for release. This should be a happy experience above all else.
EC can be a game changer for babies experiencing diaper rash (especially recurrent diaper rash.) Please do also make sure you’re using diapers free from chemicals, perfumes, and plastics. Our tissues are so receptive, let’s be mindful of what we’re putting near our reproductive organs as well as disposing into landfills. The “standard” name brand diapers generally exude perfumes and take literally 500 years to break down. That’s disgusting. There are better (and affordable) options.
some cues to look for
wiggling and squirming often indicates they’ve got digestive movement happening — akin to how you would be moving if you were in a car and suddenly felt like you needed to poop
latching and unlatching at the breast
extending / arching their back
overall demeanor of discomfort / not feeling settled (again, like you’re in a car and bouncing your leg because you have to poop)
releasing gas
for toddlers who are used to using a diaper to potty, they may have a tendency to go off and hide, so be aware and lovingly offer them the choice to have privacy in the bathroom (again, the law of the sphincters — for the anal sphincter to open, it requires safety and privacy)
There’s so much to say, and also there’s nothing really to say. There are no rules, no trophies, and also nothing to lose.
I could write a whole book of encouraging stories and experiences we’ve had with this, it’s really been a lot of fun. These kids have taught me more than I think I could ever teach them. Day after day this proves true. I think I know things, and then these kiddos lead me deeper.
So go ahead.
Bring your baby to the potty sometime. See how it goes. Keep your expectations gentle and curious. Stay consistent if you can, and don’t be too hard on yourself if you can’t. Everyone’s schedule is different, so be realistic with what your life calls for. Remember the pace and timing it takes you to learn things and be willing to give your babe that time too.
Who knows, maybe you’ll slow down your diaper usage, save some dollars, and learn to speak your baby’s language.