fathers of daughters,
I want to remind you of how important you are.
In the life of your little girl, you play more of a role than you may have ever considered or been told. You give her the language, even without speaking words, for how she will relate to herself and her body as she rises from her childhood into her teenage self, and on into her womanhood. You set the framework for her. You give her half of the story of who she is, and how she is to feel about that.
Whether that’s a story of love, strength, and respect, or self-doubt, insufficiency, or anything in between is largely up to you.
How she will relate to men, you set into her subconscious mind.
You know that old saying, “Every little girl marries her father?”
It’s true.
You set the stage for her on what love looks and feels like — and this will influence who she’ll fall in love with, who she’ll choose to partner her life with, who she shares her energy with.
You have the opportunity to give to her a deep love and respect for herself and her body.
How well she advocates for her health, for her needs, for her life’s passions and purposes, is majorly related to you. Will she feel the need to hide her true self away? Or will she move confidently through her life, using her voice in a genuine way, knowing her value and respecting the signs her body gives her?
This will influence how she will birth her children, and how she embodies her role as mother.
The ripple touches every piece of her life.
So dear men, get comfortable with the uncomfortable.
Be willing to look at the parts of yourself that didn’t get the love and attention they needed. Those things that you weren’t allowed to feel, or speak about, or acknowledge in any way — give them some fresh air and see what they have to say. This is an essential prerequisite for you to then be able to build that foundation for your daughters.
Strong foundations need level, solid ground. So start there, if you haven’t already. Do your shadow work or it will come back around again and again until you do. And no, it’s not too late to start. These things take the time they take.
This is the way for you to honor her.
Make a point to get comfortable with the feminine in a respectful way — our bodies, our intuitions, our dreams.
It is so different than the masculine, I know. Don’t be afraid of it. Don’t disrespect it. Don’t try to reform it into masculine, or get it to look another way. Don’t mock her or shame her for having a different path than yours — her feminine will bring you gifts you didn’t know you needed. Learn to love and trust her as she is. Open your curious heart, even when the world around you encourages you to override, have power over, or shut off completely her female design.
Your powerful masculine is designed to defend and protect her intuitive feminine.
Hold this as the badge of honor that it is.
Together, your incredible masculine and her creative feminine will accomplish things you’d never have dreamt of on your own.
As you do this, you contribute and pave the way for great change within yourself, your family, your future grandbabes, and the collective consciousness.
What a powerful thing that is.
True strength involves mending and fortifying the cracks and weak points — not masking them or pretending they’re not there. In order to be the strong man that you’re striving to be, you’ll need to be brave enough to look at those parts of yourself that have been cracked, broken, or weathered. Be kind to yourself, and remember that force is not always the way. The weak points are not all your fault — but truly a conditioning and controlling mechanism by way of the powers of the world. People who don’t know their true strength are much easier controlled.
This has gone on for generations, and it can end with you.
Be courageous and have the conversations you need to in order to answer the questions of the little boy in your heart that is still wondering. Have compassion that the people in your life have also been conditioned to believe lies. They have also been handed broken tools. Know that you’re not obligated to stay tangled in their messes if they choose to continue in them, you can’t make choices for anyone but yourself and the people that depend on you.
You will need a community to do this work.
Though you’ve been given an image of “men” going it alone, this was also always in the design to weaken strong groups of people.
Wise men who know deeply who they are, how valuable they are, and what they’re capable of, gathered together in community with a mission to iron out the lies and bring truth back to light, are not easily taken over or divided.
Surface level friendships won’t cut it.
Solitude won’t cut it.
There are so many parts and pieces, I know.
But as you allow this for yourself, and release the anger, hurt, and confusion, you’ll find the layers of yourself that are truly you, and wash away the front you’ve put up to the world in order to “be a man” in a world that has done such an insufficient job of initiating boys into manhood and defining for them what that truly means.
Do this not only for you, but for your daughters.
As she witnesses your expansion, you’ll pave the way for her to do her work. You’ll give her a new set of tools from the ones you were handed — tools that will help her forge her way in this world that has become such a different place than the one you grew up in, or that your parents and your grandparents once knew. Your daughter will face such different beasts than you’ve had to conquer, and she needs your support and that fresh toolbox in ways you can’t even predict or begin to grasp yet.
You can do this.
I believe in you.